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Enjoy some of these classic articles from the Valley of the Geeks book. Includes some of our most famous (or is it infamous?) pieces such as the classic fake banner ads, advertising parodies, interviews, news releases and more. Check back for more satirical stories and articles regularly. 

Shnob Appeal
January 31, 2010

Charles Schwab & Co has managed to keep their nose clean while other brokerages were hit with conflict of interest scandals.  But now even Co-CEO Charles Schwab has quit his own firm.  Chuck, as he's known, has long been the underdog of individual investors.  These days, he might benefit from a fresh start, too.  More...

Big N' Ugly
January 21, 2010

Do you ever find yourself reading the nutritional information at a fast food restaurant?  Sometimes it feels like it's not fast and not even food. If there's truth in advertising, maybe McDonald's next campaign would look something like this...  More...

Oracle Teams with Mafia
January 15, 2010

Oracle today announced a new strategic agreement with US organized crime syndicate the Zamboni family of New York. "In this tough economic climate, we wanted a partner that would do 'whatever it takes' to be successful," said CEO Larry "the mouth" Ellison. "Believe me, these guys will do that and more."  More...

Lonely at the Middle
January 13, 2010

A lot of people wonder exactly what a product manager actually does. I have product managers who work for me and I'm still wondering.  People question: What's it like to hobnob with marketing gurus and industry execs at high falutin' conferences? Frankly, I've puzzled over this myself.  More...

Larger iPods
January 12, 2010

Apple Computer has announced its next generation of new more powerful iPod music players with larger storage.  The new iPods store over 7,500 files and comfortably seat four adults.   More...

Ballmer Leaves Microsoft
January 12, 2010

Microsoft today announced the resignation of CEO Steve Ballmer after just over two years in the top position. Ballmer will be be exiting the Microsoft executive suite to pursue a life-long dream of joining the rock group KISS. The announcement caused a flurry of activity on Wall Street this morning as investors unloaded Microsoft shares and bid up KISS paraphernalia on eBay.  More...

Apple Supercomputer
January 12, 2010

Students, faculty and custodial staff at the New Jersey Institute of Technology and Monster Trucks announced that they created a new supercomputer powered by thousands of Apple computers, each with 2% market share.  More...

Santa Ousted
December 25, 2009

In the latest scandal to rock corporate america, Santa Claus, CEO of Kris Kringle Retail (KKR), has resigned amidst allegations of accounting fraud.  New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer has accused Santa Claus and auditors Arthur Andersen of bilking investors and tax payers of hundreds of millions of dollars through complex accounting scams. "Santa's been bad this year," Spitzer stated at a well-attended press conference. "Very, very bad."  More...

The New High-Tech Dictionary 2.0
December 1, 2008

We've all seen them. They're everywhere -in news releases, on shrink-wrapped products. You hear them at trade shows where they pile up like zeros in Bill Gates's bank account. They're the common technical and marketing terms used, misused, and abused in our industry. Now for the first time ever, a collection of software industry buzzword definitions.  More...

eBay Auctions Employees
November 24, 2008

Acknowledging signs that the slowing economy may be having a greater impact on business than previously reported, eCommerce auction giant eBay has announced plans to auction approximately 15% of employees worldwide.  More...

Absolut Crash
November 23, 2008

We've seen the rise and fall of the Internet economy as measured with Nasdaq now trading at pre-bubble levels.  And every day seems to bring more and more bad news.  So what's an investor to do?  Well, this ad we'd like to see is probably the best investment advice yet...  More...

Gartner Magick Quadrante
February 2, 2008

IT Consultancy GartnerGroup has announced a new, updated version of their "Magic Quadrant". The Gartner quadrant, debuted in 1620 when the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock and has been the hallmark of high-tech marketing ever since.  More...

Angel Investing
January 11, 2008

For most early stage high tech companies, getting the attention of a top notch Venture Capital firm can be harder than getting an audience with the Pope on Easter Sunday. Having exhausted the traditional sources of early stage financing (friends, relatives, looking under the couch seats for $1 million in loose change) they often look to Angel Investors.  More...

Recession Cancelled
December 28, 2007

The US Treasury today officially declared the recession canceled.  "Just because a few hundred thousand people lost their jobs, that doesn't mean the economy isn't fundamentally strong."  More...

Harry Potter's Midlife Crisis
December 24, 2007

The latest Harry Potter book has hit bookstores and is breaking records worldwide. But how long can author JK Rowling continue with Harry (and his readers) getting a year older with every new release?  More...

Doctor Cellphone
December 20, 2007

Thirty years ago, Dr. Martin Cooper demonstrated the first portable cellular phone by calling a rival at Bell Labs.  Dr. Cooper holds eight patents in the area of cellular communications and three in the area of small munitions.  Dr. Cooper spoke to us from San Melvino Di Burpo, home of his latest company, AnnoyComm, about the history of cell phones and his rivalry with Bell Labs.   More...

Google Stock Peaks
December 16, 2007

Following on Google's recent S2 filing for an initial public offering (IPO) the search firm has also indicated that they plan to change their name to "Goo,ooo,ooo,gle" in order to better represent the wealth of the founders and executives.  More...

Still More Banner Ads
December 15, 2007

Our fake banner ads have been featured in publications around the world.  Just when you thought it was safe to surf, here's another new collection of banner ads that put the truth back into high-tech advertising.   More...

Banner Mania!
December 8, 2007

Advertising parodies have been around for decades and no one spoofed Madison Avenue better than the "usual gang of idiots" at Mad Magazine.  So here's our tribute with yet another batch of original banner ads along with a couple of classics.   More...

Entrepreneurosis
December 8, 2007

People are always wondering about Entrepreneurs. If they’re investors, mostly they wonder when they’ll see their money again. Silicon Valley has a rich history of celebrating Entrepreneurs dating back to when Hewlett-Packard was founded in a garage, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, because there was no room at the inn. Three wise men and two guys named Steve went boldly where no man had gone before bearing gifts of oscilloscopes, myrrh and forging one ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them, one ring to bring them all and make long distance calls for free.  More...

New: Apple Plugs Leaks
December 5, 2007

In its latest action to stem product leaks, Apple Computer has announced a new improved First Amendment which uses exclusive Apple ShuffleRights technology.  "Let's face it, no one really understands these so-called 'First Amendment' rights," said CEO Steve Jobs.   More...

Dude, Where's My Lawyer?
December 1, 2007

Ben Curtis, also known as Steven the Dell "dude" managed to irritate a nation with his goofy antics in commercials.  Unfortunately, Curtis got busted recently for buying a dime bag of pot in New York city. While most people predict this is the end of his advertising career, I believe this could be the big break Curtis needs to get to Hollywood...  More...

Crap
July 26, 2007

Did you ever notice how every CEO and technology titan dresses the same?  I mean, sure, Steve Jobs did the turtleneck thing before anyone else.  But now it looks like everyone is wearing the same khakis, white shirt or mock turtleneck.  Is it because they are all on each other's boards?  Is it something in the water?  Or more likely, they all shop at the same online web site...  More...

Vouchers We'd Like to See
December 11, 2006

Recently, Microsoft settled a consumer class-action lawsuit alleging that the company used its monopoly position to overcharge consumers for software.  The company agreed to pay out as much as $1.1 billion in vouchers allowing consumers to buy hardware and software products.  What if other companies settled complaints by issuing vouchers?  More...

Got Clap?
October 4, 2006

The Got Milk campaign has been one of the longest and most successful branding campaigns around.  Bands from Aeorosmith to Kiss have been featured.  But rock stars and milk?  I mean, how believable is that.  Maybe if it was really getting into the rock circuit we'd see something more like this ad...  More...

Splint Brain Phone
August 10, 2006

Do cell phones cause cancer?  Who knows.  But if they do, you know the cell phone companies and wireless carriers will figure out a way to use that in their latest advertising campaigns.  Can anytime any tumor minutes be far off?  More...

Priceless?
May 31, 2006

Ever wonder what kind of credit card Scott Sullivan, former CFO at WorldCom carries?  On the other hand, with $45 million in profits on WorldCom stock, maybe Scott needs a bail bond card more than he needs a credit card.   More...

IRS Tax FAQ
April 15, 2006

To help those who have not yet completed their taxes, the IRS has create a list of last minute questions and answers. It may not reduce the amount of tax you pay or the length of your jail sentence, but it will take your mind off a pending audit.  More...

Dalai Lama Blesses IPO
March 2, 2006

Salesforce.com has announced that their controversial accounting practices have now been blessed by the Dalai Lama, smoothing the path towards an upcoming IPO.  More...

Palm Job
March 1, 2006

At the Recent Palm Developer's Conference ("What, us worry?") Palm rocked the high tech world with the resignation of their CEO David Nagel and a new branding strategy based on selling the Palm name back to themselves.   More...

Bandwagoneering Interview
March 20, 2005

I recently met with Frank Brain, CTO and co-founder of SoftBrain Corporation, to discuss its latest innovations in the software field. We met at the Chalk and Cheese Pub in San Melvino-di-Burpo, and over lunch we explored the latest directions in Internet technology.  More...

Analyst Overboard
March 1, 2005

New Business Servers may create a billion dollar BS market according to analysts.  BS startups are popping up faster than mushrooms at a Vancouver Phish concert.  More...

Management Speak
February 11, 2005

Did you ever notice how when management tells you something they don't always tell you everything?  Sometimes it seems like they have their own special language for everything.  If you're in the know, it all makes sense, but if not, use this handy guide to translate management speak into what you really need to know.  More...

VC War Chalking
January 9, 2005

A recent trend has emerged from London known as "War Chalking" to help wireless hackers locate good sources of connectivity. With Venture Capital firms struggling to figure out which companies to salvage and which ones to shut down, we thought there could be a new set of chalk symbols emerging soon...  More...

Telecom Depressed
November 16, 2004

Analysts at the CTIA Wireless 2002 conference have confirmed that the once healthy telecomunications industry is seriously depressed. Dr. Buzz Dialtone discussed the situation on a panel "Outlook for 2002: Not as bad as 2001. Maybe."  More...

NEW: White Washed!
August 15, 2004

Phil White, former CEO of Informix, who was convicted of eight counts of security fraud for filing known false statements with the SEC, has now been sentenced to 2 months in federal prison, a $10,000 fine and dinner without desert.  More...

Project Management 101
July 1, 2004

If you're a typical programmer working in a corporate environment, you've probably wondered about a career in management. Maybe you have considered taking evening courses toward an MBA, or at least learning to play golf. But before you begin climbing the corporate ladder to a ground floor opportunity, you'll need to learn about project management.  More...

Cellular Hell
March 16, 2004

With increased competition in the wireless industry the only thing that hasn't improved is the service. Well, actually the service and the price. And the complexity.  More...

Spitzer Tackles Boob Job
February 7, 2004

New York Attorney General and nine-time olympic medal winner  Eliot Spitzer has announced an investigation into CBS's notorious SuperBowl halftime event.  "This is the kind of tawdry smut you'd expect to see in some cheap porn magazine like National Geographic, not on national television," Spitzer said.  More...

Banner Ads We'd Like To See
January 18, 2004

Sick of banner ads pumped full of promise and puffery?  Take a look at a few of these banner ads we'd like to see.  More...

Comdex, Shmomdex
November 27, 2003

Comdex used to be the largest of the mega large computer industry tradeshows held in the fall in Las Vegas and internationally in Canada, Germany and Japan. If there was a way to get exhibitors to ship booths to Mars, they'd probably have a Comdex there too. ("Now with the most volume buyers in the solar system".)  More...

Iraqi Minister Flees
October 13, 2003

In the latest twist in the war in Iraq, the former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed Al-Shtupp has fled Iraq and has taken a new position with software giant Microsoft.   More...

Jayson Blair Witch Hunt
July 15, 2003

Former New York Times reporter Jayson Blair, has resigned amid a scandal of journalistic fraud at the newspaper.  Mr. Blair resigned his post when it was discovered that he had plagiarized an interview with an alien from Planet X that had allegedly kidnapped New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer.   More...

Snitch In Time
August 4, 2002

Like on-again off-again lovers, Apple and Microsoft are sometimes partners and sometimes rivals but always interesting to observe.  With Apple's latest "switch" campaign making the rounds, we thought it might be interesting to consider Microsoft's own campaign.  More...

Miss Demeanor
July 28, 2002

Now that Ann Landers is no longer with us and Dear Abby has been taken over by a cigar chomping man in drag, it's hard to find good sound advice in business.  So to meet this need, we present our new advice column for the high priests of high tech in need of a little high-minded wisdom with a feminine touch.  More...

WorldCon Bankrputcy
July 11, 2002

In the latest news to roil struggling telecommunications giant WorldCon, new CEO John Skidmore admitted that the company will likely face bankruptcy proceedings.  "There are four possible scenarios, three of which would result in filing for bankruptcy," Skidmore said. "The fourth option is to float a couple of billion on my Mastercard."    More...

Andersen Linked To Fires
June 29, 2002

In the latest scandal to rock Arthur Andersen, the firm has now been linked to forest fires ravaging hundreds of acres of Arizona and Colorado wilderness. Apparently employees have take the company's document retention policy to a new extreme: setting torch to entire states.  More...

MS: Remedy To Cause Plagues
May 12, 2002

Microsoft executive Jim Allchin took an aggressive stance against the government proclaiming that any potential remedies against the company would ultimately cause ten years of plagues.  More...

Even More Banner Ads
May 5, 2002

By popular request, here's another all-new collection of banner ads that attempt to put the truth back into high-tech advertising.   More...

I2 CEO Greg Brady Resigns
April 21, 2002

Supply-chain management software company I2 ousted CEO Greg Brady after reporting a revenue decline of more than fifty percent and two disastrous made-for-TV movies.   More...

Merrill Lynch Stock Ratings
April 21, 2002

In response to an affadavit filed by the Attorney General that Merrill Lynch's Internet group misled investors, the company has issued new guidelines to it's employees. "I am shocked --shocked to find that our analysts promoted stocks based on our investment banking business," said Louis Trabant, director of SEC compliance at the firm.  More...

Q&A with Steve Ballmer
April 13, 2002

I recently met with CEO Steve Ballmer at thermo-nuclear powered Dixie's BBQ in Bellevue to learn more about Microsoft's new organizational structure. Over a lunch of raw beef and skewered executives, we discussed Microsoft's inner workings, the departure of Rick Belluzzo and new security challenges.  More...

More Banner Ads
April 5, 2002

Sick of banner ads pumped full of promise and puffery?  Take a look at a few of these banner ads we'd like to see.  More...

MS PR Machine
April 1, 2002

Ever wonder how Microsoft is able to maintain such a constant stream of communications from headquarters without actually having an in-house PR staff?  We've recently discovered that Microsoft has in fact "eaten its own dog food" and built a software program that completely automates the creation of new press releases.   More...

Buy, Sell or Hangup?
March 25, 2002

Wall Street analysts have their own code for communicating when to buy or sell stocks. Mick Shtup from Hamburg & Toast explains.  More...

HP Merger FAQ
March 17, 2002

Here is the unofficial FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) regarding the HP / Compaq Merger.  More...

Enron Book Club
March 8, 2002

Hi, I'm Jeff Skilling, former CEO of Enron.  When my career was just getting started, I had to learn with every mistake along the way.  Now you can learn these same mistakes the fast way by using the books I wish I had back then.  More...

Dot Com Survivor.com
December 20, 2001

How do you get Joe 486-pack to care about the rise and fall of Dot Com companies? Leading Internet impresario Skip Towne has created a new streaming Internet media portal with a twist. Dot Com Survivor.com combines the latest media fad (reality television) with the latest financial fad (dot com bankruptcy) and taken it to the next level.  More...

A Brief History of Napster
July 30, 2001

As told through the Top 10 most popular downloads on its last day of full operation.  More...

Land of the Geeks
April 6, 2000

People always ask me what it was like to work at Borland. OK, you asked for it. But to make sure I, don't disclose any trade secrets, I won't clutter up the discussion with factual information.  More...

Fast Track To The Ground Floor
April 1, 2000

One of the hottest companies in Silicon Valley is the SoftBrain Corporation founded by business genuis Rich Young. I interviewed Young at their San Melvino-di-Burpo headquarters.  More...

Dear Scott...
August 3, 1999

I wanted to let you know that I am very interested in taking over Alan Baratz's position at Sun Microsystems as the President of the Java Division, group or whatever. I am particularly interested in knowing who gets the remainder of Alan's stock options.    More...


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